After setting a world record with 8 gold medals, Michael Phelps decided to buy a condo in Chicago, or Chitown as I and only I call it…..it costs just under $2 million.

He’s also racking up the money by appearing on the box of Frosted Flakes cereal, which upset some people because star athletes usually go with Wheaties. Those same people are gonna be angry today, now that Phelps has agreed to get a tattoo of Crisco cooking oil on his chest.

I have no clue who Mike and Juliet are…super cool blog reader Caroline told me that they have their own TV show….big whoop, so did Tony Danza….anyway, I digress.  The Soup on E! showed this clip, and because I badly want Joel McHale to know my name and favorite places to watch the sunset, I present to you…

So who do you think is going to be on the cover of the next Sports Illustrated? No, not Tom Selleck….although his mustache is pretty athletic and versatile.

Michael Phelps, the American swimmer who won a record 8 gold medals in the Bejing Olympics is featured on the next S.I. cover. Here’s a sneak peak at a shirtless swimmer with 8 gold medals.

Tom Selleck was the inspiration for this blog.

I’ve never used an online dating service, and I don’t think I’ll ever start…..for some people, it works….here’s my spoof on the match.com webcams ads that are on myspace all the time.

Just Joe didn't do a spoof video...I'm pretty sure this is his actual webcam....they don't give refunds in case you were wondering....found that out the hard way.

This is harder than Where’s Waldo….can you figure out which is the real Jonas Brother and which is the wax one?

It’s a slow day in case you can’t figure it out….

Dino: Hey, you know what no one’s invented yet?

Dino’s Conscience: What’s that, amazingly cute Dino?

Dino: Edible Nike Hamburger Shoes.

Dino’s Conscience: Um… I guess you’re right. Those do not, in fact, exist.

Dino: I’m gonna invent them!

Dino’s Conscience: Why? Seems like a lot of work, and people will just see the picture on the internet once and be like “that’s cool, and a little weird” then totally forget about it.

Dino: Too late, the hamburger shoe wheels are in motion.

This is the news story I was talking about on my show today….some genius in Ohio thought it’d be ok to bathe in a sink at the Burger King where he worked….I’m guessing he didn’t rinse and repeat.

My dad is from Cherokee, NC….so you can bet he has at least 5 pieces of Confederate “merchandise”. The moonshine my great grandma makes doesn’t count.  This is a funny video on how the South’s Civil War battle plan probably went…

The Jonas Brothers just bought this $2.9 million mansion outside of Dallas….that’s in Texas in case you wanted to stalk them, which I don’t reccomend.  I hear they have Justin Guarini as a security guard.

I know I’m married and I shouldn’t have a wandering eye…..but sometimes it’s too hard. Doris Probst, a dairy farmer from Illinois, is your new Illinois State Fair “Hog Calling Contest” champion.  We’ve already planned our honeymoon at the Corn Palace in South Dakota.